Just how far I feel I've come in such Little Time

going back to 9th February 2012 The Day Hugo was put into his BnB (Boots And Bars) I wrote in my Journal As Follows...
"So today Hugo had his forth set of casts off & hes now as im typing in his boots & bars, hes been in them for 3 hours so far & has non stopped cried, got him in the car from the hospital & as i started driving he carried on crying. He would normally fall asleep within minutes, I then started crying wiping the tears from my eyes telling myself its all for the best. We arrived home 40 minutes later to my Mum who was looking after Emilyn, & i just burst in to tears Mum hugged me & we spoke about what had happend at the Hospital & how big his BnB was.
I was then left with Hugo & Emilyn me crying Hugo Crying & Emilyn Hugging me. A little while later i decided to write down how im feeling at this exact moment.
I'm just struggling "how to hold him. is he in discomfort? calm him down" ect ect... Emilyn has gone down for her nap & Hugo keeps dosing off for a few minutes hes exhausted,
so I know his BnB will get easier & I know I've got 5 years of this I just feel lost today, It's been a whirl wind 4 weeks & I feel like I have been cheated slightly of having a newborn baby with no problems, I have put on such a "brave front" to everyone tried to be supermum keeping the house clean & Routines in place, seeing friends & family & keeping a smile on my face even with a minimum of 2 or 3 hours sleep,
I cant wait to get his BnB off for half an hour later for cuddles im sure me & Mic will be fighting over him :)
so he will be in his BnB for 23 hours a day for 3 months... i feel like i just want to wish the 3 months away but time flys quick enough as it is :(
I feel like "I'm not allowed" to have days like this but i just can't help it i also feel guilty as other families are going through so much worse around me."
The Following two nights went in a blurry Fuzz of Hugo screaming crying moaning in as what i thought was excruating pain, I carried on in the day doing things with Emilyn making cakes doing arty things painting  trying to keep life as normal as possible, even though Hugo was managing 5 minute stints of sleep at a time and no way wanted to be put down ( this is just unheard of with Hugo he has been a amazing sleeper & in his crib all night.)

 The shoes you see before you are what my 10week old baby wears 23hours Aday.
                                                  They are now part of our life.
                                                 & I wouldn't have him any other way...

19th March 2012
5 weeks on and I've got to say wow to all people with Children with Talipes life does get better!! we have our Off days but everyone does with babies. Hugo has gone back to his 1 or 2 night feeds & has been known to sleep 8-9 hours straight through!
I think back to the first few days of Hugo in his BnB as a distant memory the hate I had towards them, The way I mourned for the baby I wanted so much I wished he had no Physical problems, I've always loved Hugo for him but I have disliked the casts & his BnB now all my misery I felt has vanished.
I can handle all the stares strangers give me. I can Handle the snide comments strangers mutter all the ignorant people who know no better about my sons condition.
I am so Proud of him & of myself I now know God knew I could handle having a baby with these Problems as I am strong enough. I actually feel thankful for being educated into it all. Life is not easy, But we all have our Life Path planned out sometimes we take a detour.


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