Just because you can not see it...

Just because you cant see it doesn't mean its not there...
I'm going to talk about me for once yes me & M.E oh how confusing my blog is meant to be about my life this is what my life used to be all about from 13 years old all the way to very recently...
At 13 years old i was diagnosed with Glandular Fever - i would say at 13 this is going into your Prime Time at school your wanting a social life & the years leading up to your GCSE i also decided this was the time to change schools as we had previously moved areas & travelling 40minutes twice a day was a killer. instead of just 'getting over' glandular fever it seemed to stay or in fact turn into Chronic Fatigue syndrome- the "unknown" or the "mysterious illness" some Doctor's i saw even fobbed me off with "its all in your head" or "your just tired" i Suffered with Chronic Fatigue also known as (M.E) which you can imagine the stick you get with an illness diagnosed as M.E- whats that about I can know sit here & think back at the hurtful comments & smile or even have a slight giggle because now i know these people where not real friends nor people who understood the illness at all.. in fact i would'nt wish M.E on to anyone its such a difficult thing to get your head around - barely able to explain it I would wake up in the morning for school & physically not be able to move my energy would be nothing. as a 14 -15 -16 year old at a new school i had no "real" friends most must of thought i was a attention seeker i hadn't been at the school long but i was talked about so much i was the "skiver"... they had no idea what i was going through but hey who would blame them they didn't have a clue. so i dropped out of school at 15 years old i never set foot into year 11. i tried half days in year 10 but even that was hard all i wanted was my bed. i couldn't sleep at night time not because i wanted to stay up watching Poker or sales TV but because this is when i woke up.. why didn't i just sleep i hear you ask well because i couldn't my body didn't want to relax i was exhausted but my body said no. just going shopping on a weekend i would have to think i had to ask M.E if i was allowed. most of the time i would get half way around the shops & have to sit down i found out i could sleep in the most bizarre places. on the stairs... couldn't be comfy the amount of times my mum would have to carry me to bed. you get stuck into a depressing whole that you feel you cant get out theres no daylight at the end of the tunnel. i could never see myself "well" a constant headache turning into a migraine i could barely lift my head. we had got a huge trampoline for the garden i could never use it i felt so unnormal why was this happening to me. i was being home schooled on line like seriously what a load of rubbish i only ended up doing my 3 main GCSE all at home, People say the teenage years are the best of your life. mine where a misery. i had my close friends but i didn't see them much. if i wanted a evening out i knew i would then have a week or so in bed after. at 16/17 years old i took 6 months out & stayed in Spain Costa Del Sol & i 100% say this is how i "got over M.E" i was always told by Doctors as I'm young i should be fine by 21 years old... i distance a lifetime away at 15. i was always told the sun would help but c 'mon lets face it we live in England. so in Spain i must of had about 1 bad day a week. after i came back to England i felt fantastic life was on a up i managed a full time job & although i did have the odd bad day i coped. until i got a job at Gatwick airport - this through me 20 steps backwards & only lasted a month working there i was then back in bed stuck. I then at 18found out i was pregnant with Emilyn & my whole pregnancy was horrendous i was exhausted & not the Normal pregnancy tired it was defiantly M.E exhausted i didn't cope at all. But after doing research i found out that having a baby whilst you have M.E can go either way so bad that you cant care for your baby very well or pretty much cures it... well i was happy to say after i had her i think i then just had the "new mummy" tiredness & nothing else of course i still had "bad days" i over done it i ran myself down but i loved that i could do this & i could do that i hate resting & i know how bad this is. I just cant bare to go "back" there. to that place. the thought of it brings horror to my eyes & i feel so fortunate that i was lucky enough to get it young & get "over" it.
People don't understand it because they cant see it...
But you cant see Cancer does this mean its Not there...
Think before you speak...
Just because we are not moaning doesn't mean we aren't suffering...
try to believe life gets better i so hope in your case it does.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...