Feeling Selfish

If you follow my blog you would of read A Tooth from Breast to Bottle well i few days later I started to really miss Breastfeeding, thisfeeling is so bizarre for me as i could not wait to finished breastfeedingEmilyn & get her on to bottle i felt a whole lot better once she was takingfrom a bottle, but when i thought "This is it" I hated it, the reasonI stopped fully feeding Hugo is because he bit me, he bit me extremely hard.

He also refused bottle totally so getting him on to bottlewas hard enough I never felt comfortable leaving Hugo with any one for longerthan 2 hours as he wouldn’t take a bottle so would just scream,

Fortunately he managed to take the bottle within the firstday, i stopped feeding him, this massive feel of guilty over run my body &mind constantly, he didn’t look like he enjoyed the bottle, now I’m not sayingthis to get slated I’m saying this to how i personally feel & i didn’t feellike this with Emilyn, but i really missed the closeness & bonding i gotfrom breastfeeding, I just didn’t feel it from the bottle, so after 3 days ofno feeding & full 3 nights sleeps, I decided to start feeding him at nightsmyself. i actually went to sleep & i looked forwards to him waking up so icould feel our bond again.

so i have been combined feeding for over a week now. He hasnow decided to regress backwards & wake up a crazy amount of times a nightagain. I think for boob as it’s his comfort.  Last night I decided to give him Formula whenhe woke at 11pm instead of boob & then he slept through till almost 5amwhen i breastfed him. I will carry on like this & see how it goes.

I am just not ready to fully stop feeding him. I neverthought i would love it as much as i am especially after how much i dislikedbreastfeeding Emilyn & if anything she was easier as i co slept with her soshe fed whilst i just lay there. I really can’t do that with Hugo in his Boots& Bar, I end up getting kicked in the face by them & i can safely saythat really hurts!

Nights are long the days are short. But i wouldn’t have itany other way. I’m a mum of two, with border line M.E I’m supposed to betired... or zombiefied! 

Am I being over the top feeling so much strain to keep breastfeeding him or am i normal? 

6 comments:

  1. You're completely normal! You will both know when's the best time to stop. Do what you feel is right xxxx

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  2. Thank you sweet, its so tough my mind is split in two i can't fully stop feeding him untill i am 100% happy about it & he enjoys it somuch :) xxx

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  3. It's very very normal to feel like that, I've heard a few times that when you stop breastfeeding something happens to your hormones that makes you feel grief. I bf'd my eldest for 17 months and most of the time didn't enjoy it and was happy when he decided to stop. I bf my second for 9 months and gave up when we both got thrush and it was really painful. I was devastated though and would have loved to carry on longer. You'll know when is the right time to stop and until then carry on enjoying it xxx

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  4. Thank you honey. Yes I feel horrendous the last few days my hormones are on over drive. I'm so glad other people understand where I'm coming from xx

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  5. I dread the moment the little man weans himself completely. It will be a sign that he is growing more independent and I will miss our bonding time immensely. I'm not pushing to stop but will follow his lead so who knows when he'll have had enough? *hugs*

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    1. Im so glad he is happy to feed from both bottle & me, its such a lovely time of the night when i know i can feed him without having to faff with bottles, it especially helped when he was poorly this week & refused the bottles & just wanted me for comfort. xx

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