Gender Disappointment

It was this time last year I had my 20 week scan with H - I found out I was having a beautiful baby Boy.
I also found out I was having a baby with 'Pigeon feet' as the sonographer put it. I feel I'm the perfect person to put my view across about gender disappointment as I have always been scared of having a boy. Not that I don't like boys, but the fact I had never really been around baby boys, I never had a brother & had never changed a baby boys nappy. It sounds really pathetic now but gender disappointment exists & I hear about it a lot I mean a lot, a lot, a lot.
I was generally so scared about having a boy I told my husband after Emilyn I didn't want any more babies, I had my girl & having a boy terrified the life out of me.
All the way up until my 20 week scan I was trying to convince myself I was having a girl, because my pregnancy was identical to Emilyns...
This was one of the reasons I really wanted or needed to find out what sex our baby was so if it was a boy I had time to get my head around it.
Reality was the sonographer told me right at the beginning of our scan we where definitely  having a BOY I asked him to double check.
I was in a state of shock as it was, my head couldn't quite get around the fact I was having a Son, a few tears crept from my eyes, to this day i am not sure whether they were happy or sad tears.
The rest of the scan went well, or so I thought I was just in so much shock with having a boy. Then came the reality drop; as i got off the bed, the sonograpther told my husband & I to take a seat, he then went on to say he had found a abnormality with our son, he looked as if he had "pigeon feet" but was unsure & that we needed to talk to the midwife.
Well as you can imagine my world came crashing down & the fact I was having a boy disappeared all I wanted now was my baby to be healthy.
We had a lot of standing around waiting for the midwife to take us to a room.
oh gosh it still chokes me up to this day the what could of happened...
the Midwife in my eyes was point blankly shite she sat us down & said "oh he has explained both problems has he?"
In complete & utter shock I said "no, what do you mean both problems"
her face - shocked "oh erm the cysts on his brain"
Fanfuckingtastic we are dealing with morons! This is our Baby for goodness sake, not trying to exchange damaged/broken goods back to a shop.
She them mumbled on about getting us an appointment at the top London Hospital & our baby may have Edwards Syndrome or Downs Syndrome she said it so blasé...
Honestly the most horrendous thing to go through.
The amount of people I hear who are upset about the gender of their baby it's only when you go through something like this that you realise the health of your child is really all that matters, I know there are families who try & try & try until they have a girl or a boy I'm not judging them I'm not judging any one.
All I am trying to say is that no matter what sex your baby is you will love it unconditionally.
I walked into a shop the other day the shop workers behind the counter were having a full on conversation about their friend who is devastated about a boy when she wanted a girl & she was so upset she couldn't bare to bring her self to tell friends & family that she is having a boy! I just had to bite my tongue & walk out,
Then my sister told me about a girl she knew who was upset they were having a boy & she found it really difficult to be understanding as she knew how hard we had had it, & just how lucky these people are to have healthy babies.
How far have I come in a year!? A long way! & how proud am I of my Son H & Myself.
I am finally accepting him in his Boots & Bar I have finally accepted he has Talipes this is apart of him.
I am over the moon that i had a boy I wouldn't of had it any other way. I've got the best life. 

Did you experience Gender Disappointment? How did you deal with it?

This is the way my son sleeps every night 6pm - 10am he then has his naps with them on too... it's our way of life, he knows no different so please don't pity him.



This is the way i carry him around... working on my arm muscles! He is very heavy!



8 comments:

  1. I know exactly where you're coming from but luckily didn't have to experience it. I knew from my first pregnancy that I wanted a little boy first- I'd always wanted a big brother or a younger sister and was 'stuck' with a little brother.
    When I went into for my 20 week scan and they asked about the sex I went into a panic that it might be a girl. Baby wasn't playing ball so she couldn't see anything straight away and for a moment I was so scared they were going to say 'little girl'...
    Now I have Isaac I really want the next to be a girl ;)

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    1. thank you for taking the time to comment & share honey, i think sometimes its so hard to click out of it, i know wouldnt change my two i love having a girl & a boy x

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  2. I was like that i had a scan to find out what I was having . I would have panicked at first if I had been having a girl but I believe I would have come round to it . .. did he have the cysts or just the talipes ( sorry to ask )

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    1. Hugo was born with just bilateral Talipes the Cysts on his brain had gone by the following scan, he also had quite a few other problems but they have either corrected themselves or i have had to get them corrected. thank you for taking your time to comment. x

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  3. I was surprised to find out I was having a boy with my first, as I hadn't any brothers and didn't know much about boys! Then the 2nd was a boy, then the 3rd, then the 4th. I have definitely learnt to appreciate what wonderful little creatures they are. I can't lie though, I was thrilled when my 5th was a girl.

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    1. wow you have your hands full, your house must be filled with noise, *in a good way :)
      x

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  4. I understand, had same dissapointment when I found out having second boy!
    But when he was born with condition called Erbs palsy my whole world changed and all that mattered was doing everything I could to ensure my son would be ok.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope your son is ok now xx

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