I feel such a fraud! Talipes. Boots & bar.


This is really annoying. Why am i feeling like this!?
was i really over the fact that i brutally disliked the metal bar that attached itself to my 7 month old boots - boots that i may add a Baby should not wear... Babies wearing shoes?
oh heck it bugs the hell out of me.

yes i am having "one of those days" I am exhausted to say the least life seems to be hurtling in to a mix of busyness, stuff i have no control over. Family functions, parties, life!
The stress of starting up a business & trying my hardest to get it all sorted. with the lack of sleep & the stress of just being a mother.
My back is feeling it, you know that stress tension in the middle of your back. i feel as if i want to hunch my back all the time, its agony!
Well last night i went out for a meal with a girl friend was a lovely evening. Until i got home, Emilyn didn't take it too well that i wasn't home. she kicked up an hour long tantrum. Hugo seems to be getting his 5th tooth through! & was up screaming most the time. he then carried on most the night. I took his Boots & Bar off around 12 ish. i know i shouldn't of done & its of course kicked myself in the foot... as he will need to make the hours up!

I feel such a fraud! i really thought i had accepted the boots & bar... I thought i had come to terms with it. i know feel as if i was lying to myself to help myself cope with it better!
I also feel terrible for moaning at least he is not fully disabled. at least he will walk. at least this should hopefully all be fixed in 5 years time.
But i can't help the way i feel.
I want this feeling to go away!
I am so fed up with bruises covering me... literally my legs are blue & purple! my hips are blue & purple.
Hugo having a tantrum or in Pain i can barely keep hold of him. How heavy he is i can barely hold him, goodness knows how i will cope once he is a year old ++ ...  I find it so hard to talk to people. i think people think i am dealing with it. i'm coping. i am not! or as today i feel like crawling under my duvet & staying there a good few days.
sleep deprivation is chipping away at my mind, body & soul! I am half the person i want to be.
I want to smile & not be crying inside.
I feel as though i have taken 1 step forward & 10 steps back!
I can not pin point why though?
Lack of sleep can make you feel terrible eh?

Heres to tomorrow. A new day. A Happier day... Wiping my tears away...

4 comments:

  1. Oh hon. (((huga)) I feel like that alot of the time & I don't even have the additional worry and stresses of Hugo's condition.

    I think you do an amazing job as mummy and even the best of mums have bad days.

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    Replies
    1. thank you honey. made me feel a little better xxx

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  2. Thank you for putting this on. My son has bilateral talipes and is currently in the casting stage. He's only 3 months old but the size of a newborn due to being 9 weeks premature. He will go into his boots and bars in the next month. The whole procedure is something people who are mot going through it will understand they just know it's "correctable" therefore sometimes people can be quite flippant. The treatment is long and takes a lot of dedication. Keep at it and before you know it your little ones feet will be perfect and the boots will be a thing of the past. X

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you Siany.
    its a difficult time for anyone.
    have you heard of Happy Feet Talipes on Facebook?
    I started the group about 10 months ago you are welcome to join.

    take care xx

    ReplyDelete

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