I feel such a fraud! Talipes. Boots & bar.

This is really annoying. Why am i feeling like this!?
was i really over the fact that i brutally disliked the metal bar that attached itself to my 7 month old boots - boots that i may add a Baby should not wear... Babies wearing shoes?
oh heck it bugs the hell out of me.

yes i am having "one of those days" I am exhausted to say the least life seems to be hurtling in to a mix of busyness, stuff i have no control over. Family functions, parties, life!
The stress of starting up a business & trying my hardest to get it all sorted. with the lack of sleep & the stress of just being a mother.
My back is feeling it, you know that stress tension in the middle of your back. i feel as if i want to hunch my back all the time, its agony!
Well last night i went out for a meal with a girl friend was a lovely evening. Until i got home, Emilyn didn't take it too well that i wasn't home. she kicked up an hour long tantrum. Hugo seems to be getting his 5th tooth through! & was up screaming most the time. he then carried on most the night. I took his Boots & Bar off around 12 ish. i know i shouldn't of done & its of course kicked myself in the foot... as he will need to make the hours up!

I feel such a fraud! i really thought i had accepted the boots & bar... I thought i had come to terms with it. i know feel as if i was lying to myself to help myself cope with it better!
I also feel terrible for moaning at least he is not fully disabled. at least he will walk. at least this should hopefully all be fixed in 5 years time.
But i can't help the way i feel.
I want this feeling to go away!
I am so fed up with bruises covering me... literally my legs are blue & purple! my hips are blue & purple.
Hugo having a tantrum or in Pain i can barely keep hold of him. How heavy he is i can barely hold him, goodness knows how i will cope once he is a year old ++ ...  I find it so hard to talk to people. i think people think i am dealing with it. i'm coping. i am not! or as today i feel like crawling under my duvet & staying there a good few days.
sleep deprivation is chipping away at my mind, body & soul! I am half the person i want to be.
I want to smile & not be crying inside.
I feel as though i have taken 1 step forward & 10 steps back!
I can not pin point why though?
Lack of sleep can make you feel terrible eh?

Heres to tomorrow. A new day. A Happier day... Wiping my tears away...


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