A working Stay at Home Mum?

What's your job title?
A working stay at home mum?
Does that even make sense?
You have the classic Stay At home mother who looks after her children until school age.
You also have the classic Woking mother who takes their children to a childminder or nursery.
so where do i fit in?
I am a little in-between both although when i work my children are at home with me; running rings around me.
Do i think this is feasible? well i have got to admit i am finding it increasingly hard to divide & share my time equally, especially with the christmas rush... work is busy & i can not complain.
But i feel like a totally useless Mother.
Now i am not judging any one else's work ethics i am just saying what I myself feel.
its all Swings & roundabouts with the what ifs in life. & if i don't try i'll undoubtedly never know.
So why am i feeling so terrible?
The fact that i have two children under the age of 4 at home with me majority of the time except two mornings for 3 hours a week i send Emilyn off to pre school, I always say to myself "fab i'll now get Hugo & Mummy time..." unfortunately this is a rarity as Work; i want to say "comes first" but of course it doesn't really & i am there for every thing Hugo needs or wants. But this 2 days a week of toddler free mornings is a totally ideal time to catch up with work.
I literally feel like i have orders coming out of my ears & i hate people waiting too long so i aim to get them done asap.
I just feel like i am putting 70% of my time to work & just 30% of my time to parenting.
If I was a working Mother this would be different as I would ideally leave my work at work & home time would be family time.
My Babies will not be Babies forever. When they are poorly i need to be with them. But what if i have orders that must be sent out the following day?
My husband also works long hours so I am the sole career as such.
I personally do not feel its fair to divide my time up like this. I am feeling increasingly guilty that i get so wrapped up in work...that when Emilyn runs up to me craving attention i feel like i am constantly saying "later darling" or "1 minute" ....
The guilt gushes over me like the sea going into a rock pool & then takes a life time to leave, or so it feels.
I have my whole life to work. Financially I don't need to work. This started off as a hobby, a bit of fun. But ended up as a full time business that i don't have time for my own children.
So i have decided as i am self employed I must be stricter with my hours. I will be making sure i go just part time do the odd party here & there but to always make sure my little people come first. Their love & happiness makes me happy.
I am a perfectionist & find it difficult to not have things done. I put a lot of hard work in to my work & enjoy it at the same time.







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