10 Things you can't do once you have Children...

I am just a breeze of fresh air today!... I sure am I tell you...
This is obviously just going to be a short list because c'mon i cant be missing out on too much can i?

1) All i want to do is have a pee on my own, is this THAT MUCH to ask? or a nice relaxing shower? I would say bath but do i Heck have time for that no way...
so the normal 'darling i am just nipping to the toilet, i wont be long' scenario goes a little like this. 'Oh wait mummy i want to come to...' she will then walk as slowly as she can. lets bare in mind as a mother i have waited all morning holding in this pee because i have been entertaining the little people.
'C'mon hurry up Emilyn, i really might wet myself' I'm struggling to hold on to Hugo whilst this is going on.
We have to go upstairs to use the main bathroom mainly because although its chaos still Hugo ends up eating dog food or splashing in the water bowl in the downstairs toilet. So you would think it would be better?
Lets try to think just how exciting a bathroom would be to a 12 month old....
The first thing he normally does is attack the bath ... what Dummy would have the taps put so a toddler can turn them on? Oh yeah that would be me!
The Proudness on his face is brilliant EVERY TIME he does it I'm sure he thinks he's Super baby or something?....





Then we have the shower... this one i have now got down to a T... the door needs to be shut or the likelihood is Hugo will be in there like a shot!....



Thank goodness for a soft close toilet seat... this little guy never seems to want to give up. He tries to get his whole head down the toilet????




Then there is the usual taking all hair stuff & bubble bath bottles off the shelf throwing them around like its some kind of sick game that Mummy has to tidy up ... well because i must have so much time on my hands?!?!? 
The toilet brush looks like A LOT of fun thinks Hugo he is ALWAYS trying to grab it.... he has so far been stopped but i know he is plotting a plan for the germ infested brush.

 I couldn't get a photo of me on the toilet .... i think there is laws against that kind of thing but Hugo LOVES to climb up my legs so i get to have a pee whilst holding him?
The BEST was when he had woken up grumpy from his nap I sat him up in the bathroom i was only having a quick pee & for some reason he was very top heavy head fell straight to the floor? Oh my gosh i had to stop mid Peeing to pick him up?! Crying for England & a very red head poor thing... I should of left him in bed crying....


2) Popping! You can NEVER EVER AGAIN just Pop to the shops, pop to the coffee house, pop to see a friend, pop on a mini adventure... without factoring the Changing bag, nappies, snacks, where baby can nap, bottles, the list i could say is endless... will we ever be able to POP again?
Especially with two in tow... the Chaos of having one baby screaming & the toddler running riot around Selfridges hiding behind mannequins & knocking clothes on the floor. do we fear our independence is dwindling away? I feel I will never be able to just jump in the car & just take a small purse with me again! By the time I can I'll be too old to be able to just POP.... Going out has turned in to a military operation.

         

This was a weeks holiday to spain definitely no popping on to a plane & off we go when toddlers are on tow...


       

3) HOT drinks... I am NOT MOANING i am airing my feelings & i am pretty sure most other Mummies are echoing these... *i hope so...
I love a Hot coffee or a Hot tea. its not that much to ask? Well tell my baby this news. He has about 2 naps a day Yes i may start moaning now. he naps for a maximum of 20-30 minutes.. after i have done my wifely duties & boil the kettle i put money on the fact my darling son hears the kettle boil & then... movement on my AngelCare monitor - He's awake & I've only just managed to put the boiling water in my mug. Brilliant. off i go to get him then he wants food, water, playtime, nappy change, a toy that needs putting together, more food. by the time i can sit & relax my coffee is stone cold. I used to use the microwave a lot but it just doesn't taste the same i know sometimes drink it cold. YUCK! I'm sure we are all in the same boat with this?




4) Beautifully Painted nails ...is none existant. IF i get the chance to get them painted they will be chipped within hours... & then they will stay beautifully chipped for weeks. until I gear myself up for getting them painted again. So this gets done once in a blue moon. Normally when the children are in bed for the night & i get some me time? This will be good for number 5


5) ME TIME? well you can forget about that. I shower with my children or they watch me then i shower them. I pee with my children. I spend all day with my children. i go shopping with my children. I drink coffee with my children. I have Coffee mornings with my Mummy Friends (Their Children are at a school age) But my children are always there..we know need to be careful of what we say as Emilyn is such a parrot now.
So when do i get a chance to have some ME time? In the evening once the Children are asleep all i want to do is sleep too.
I even take my children to the Dentist with me.... Dedication.

 6) SLEEP. So you've had your first child & realised that the lacking of sleep is actually much more severe than you ever thought. that whilst you were indeed uncomfortable sleeping whilst pregnant it was in-fact better. You don't have the screaming of a baby in your ear. Or the waking up with your Boob out because you've fallen asleep whilst feeding this monster baby who wants feeding every 40 minutes even if he isn't hungry! But we do it & we do it because we want to be the best possible mother we can. even if the baby never remembers, you do.
When was the last time you had a full nights sleep? CAN YOU REMEMBER? Even when i had a night away in a hotel when Emilyn was around a 16 months old i still found myself having a very unsettled night & was wide awake before 6am waiting to get back home to see her.
EVEN when both children sleep through the night I am Awake lying there wondering why the baby hasn't woken up!? I must be mad.

7) A HANGOVER... Its just not worth it simple as that. a good night out is not worth feeling as shitty as you do with a hangover. Two children screaming, throwing toys, climbing over you whilst your trying to mong out on the sofa watching crappy daytime tele... well i know i couldn't handle Peppa bloody Pig with a hangover add the children to the equation life would be hell.
So it just makes more sense to not even bother with drink. & Trust me i have been VERY hungover whilst Emilyn was very little & it was hell... The worst was getting very Drunk the night before a 4 year olds bouncy castle birthday party? WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?

8) You can say goodbye to the Lay-in... I hear my Childless friends saying "oh i'm exhausted i didn't go to bed till 3 & i had to get up at 11" My pretend sympathetic voice clicks on... 'oh you poor thing life is really shit for you isn't it? I'm feeling pretty tired too' 'Oh why's that' says my friend. 'Good old teething Hugo wouldn't settle till 1 then Emilyn had me up at 6' I still get on with my day without moaning... My Children are not Lazy children in ANY WAY up at 5:30-6 everyday i need to try to be asleep by 10 at the latest if i want to feel a little bit decent the following day. YAWN !

9) Make a phone call in peace. Forget it seriously I can't even call the doctors without Emilyn wanting to say hello to the receptionist. If i want a serious catch up with someone I am constantly saying 'hang on wait a minute' 'no Emilyn don't bite Hugo' having a screaming child in the background or two children climbing up your legs!!... why did i bother answering the phone? the children seem to want to fight for my attention even more...

10) Say good bye to ALL Grown Up programmes... I have a SKY+ box so even if I get to sleep early I can still catch up with my programmes...ha or not! swearing/ sexual scenes / violence you name it I barely watch any soaps now i just don't have the time. Our day is usually spent in the conservatory/play room where Hugo can't sofa climb or attack the magazine pile.
So no Tele at all in this room. My guilty pleasure is adult time 3 mornings a week for half an hour i can just about squeeze in pram face whilst Emilyn is at preschool.

This is just my own personal experiences with my own children I am 100% sure that the baby in your tummy whilst you where blissfully unaware of your life taking a 360 turn into the spiralling pitfall of motherhood. Your life will be no where like mine. I have my fingers crossed for you. Now wipe that scared look off your face. What would you prefer me to do tell you porkies? I wouldn't dream of it.



With a special thanks to @Becca_Ward90 over at mummybex.blogspot.co.uk  & @thechaosqueenuk over at thechaosqueen.wordpress.com & @messymum75 for helping with this blog post
If you would like to Add any more to this post tweet me @Bexandmic or email me at
rebecca-waight@hotmail.com OR simply comment below




   

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