A letter to my 15 year old self

To Bex/Becky

This may come to you as a shock, I'm writing to you from the future. I can't remember what you liked to be called at 15... I think the nickname 'Bex' was around?
I wanted to write to you to reassure you, I know at the moment you're in a dark place of depression. Your M.E is bad & most days you are stuck in bed. I don't want to dwell on how you're feeling now though, I want to tell you that life does & definitely will get better.

Firstly I will tell you do everything you're doing & live no regret. Life is precious, You'll live to learn this with a few devastating life changing shocks real shocks in your life to come.

Also huge well done to moving secondary schools in year 9. That takes guts & you needed to make new friends in your new area... a few of the friends you met at school are still in your life now... some have turned in to your best friends. Don't worry though you still have your oldest best friends in your life too.

Life will feel like absolute Poo before it gets better, I know you swear A LOT... But perhaps thats something you can change now? It really isn't attractive & real words are much nicer.

But remember you're just 15. You aren't an adult... I know you think you are. I know most of your friends are older & you hang around in pubs, get drunk... honestly I think your a mess. You are in such a deep hole, I know you feel like you can't help it & its fun. But I remember how you're feeling.

Talking about attractive... I know you smoke on & off at the moment. Well you will & do get addicted. Smoking is addictive & you'll be smoking 15-20 cigarettes a day. I'd love you to STOP just don't start!
You will stop one day but not by choice. You stop because your Pregnant, don't worry you've had an amazing life of living abroad, having a girly holiday, being in a music video & photo shoots all before you fell Pregnant... You also have the most amazing Husband (Yes you do get Married) just trundle on life as you are. Everything will fall into place. Just make sure the Ems goes to Southampton Uni instead of Huddersfield where she thinks she wants to go... You'll meet your Husband on a *Blind Date* night out. & you'll have the most amazing time. Continue being spontaneous. Adds to the drama & keeps you YOU!

Your future Husband will show you that not all men Cheat, Lie, & take full advantage of you; remember there is nice guys out there. You eventually get one. & he loves you & your children. You have two with him. live in your own house that you built together too. Life is pretty darn perfect for you. You are however a stay at home Mum; does that terrify you? its amazing & you'll love it *Most of the time.

I just want to clarify keep doing what your doing. Make sure you move to spain with that guy in your life at that time. Big shock Mum gets Cancer. but she gets through it, you all battle through it together. When you go to spain you could of picked a better time but the life skills you gain from it are amazing remember this all happens next year! Your just 16 years old.
Your time in spain will turn out to be a big achievement in your life & your M.E will dramatically improve. It improves so much that when you return to the UK (You don't want to leave spain) but do it because you'll grow to love England. You manage to get a full time job & pass your driving test.

That night when you say enough is enough to that guy. You've got to stick by your guns.

I know you will & its hard but think to your future.

I'm sat here in my mid twenties writing this to you, do you want to know you've had two children & you're still a size 6-8 & still wearing Bikinis on the beach. I know you were always terrified of children *ruining your life & body * but in my eyes they've just made it 100 times better...I've swapped the high heels for UGG boots most of the time though. Sorry!

You'll have a Son who will be born with Talipes. If that had never happened you wouldn't be blogging, you would never of built your own house, You wouldn't be writing children's books, You wouldn't know the amazing people you've met, You wouldn't be living back in Sussex, Oh yes you lived in London for a while... I'll let you judge that when it happens...
Keep positive sweet. I can imagine the tears rolling down your face.
You're Happy in your future.
You're happy.

P.S stop wishing time away you'll be 18 before you know it.
& unfortunately the Doctors were wrong you still have M.E... Bugger.

P.P.S having your Breasts, Tum & legs on display all at once is not Sexy! You'll learn that soon enough !!

Remember to love yourself before you can Love anyone else. Your strong enough to fight the world.
You & your future Husband

Love you Bex (from 2013)


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