My A-Z guide for a good nights sleep

My A-Z guide for a good nights sleep for a sleep deprived Mum
My A-Z guide for a good nights sleep for a sleep deprived Mum


A - Absolute beginners

You're a first time Mum, You've tried everything. Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

B - Bribery

Sticker chart? Chocolate, Sweets, day at the Zoo? Not working? Scream at them "Go to SLEEP!"... Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

C - Co-sleeping

Heck you have zero choice. Your toddler is in your bed... Roll with it. You can always give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

D - Doors stay closed

Doors must stay tightly SHUT. That way you won't hear them so much. Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

E - Earplugs

Who invented these things? The best invention ever! Have your glass of wine in peace...Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

F - Food

Make sure they've eaten enough to keep them full all night long. Those extra biscuits will work they will! Still not sleeping... Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

G - Go to SLEEP!

Scream, Shout, Jump, Swear... None of it works! (Please don't swear at or around your children) Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

H - Having a mental breakdown

It's inevitable. Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

I - Ignore

Ignore, Ignore, Ignore & IGNORE... Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

J - Joke, Keep your sense of humour

Keep happy, Keep smiling... It might save a smidgen of your sanity! Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

K - Keeping Safe

Make sure you have a stair gate at their bedroom so they can't escape! Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

L - Lighting

Nightlight, lamp, Candlelit... Jesus Child You can not have the main light on. Go to sleep. Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

M - MUMMY

Because ONLY EVER MUMMY is good enough... Daddy gets screamed at... "WHERES MY MUMMY?" Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

N - Night Night

NIGHT NIGHT Children. Enough is ENOUGH. Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

O -  Overtired

Overtired is an understatement - Exhausted, Half dead... more like it. Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

P - Parents time

You don't have to be 'parents' all the time... Remember who YOU ARE... Whats your Husbands name again? It's definitely NOT DADDY. Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

Q - Quiet Time

Quiet Time... Do you have those Ear Plugs in? Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

R - Routine

Routine is KEY - What time is it again? Wine O'clock? Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

S - Sleep training

I like to say Sleep Training, shleep training... STAY CALM. Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

T - Traveling

Go for a car journey, that'll get them to sleep. You will find you'll need to do this for the next 15 years though. Better get saving for that Hybrid Toyota. Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

U - Undiagnosed aliments

Take them to the doctors. Perhaps they're allergic to SLEEP! Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

V - Value

Value your instincts. You can get super stressed at bedtime by pressurising yourself to meet some fictitious norm. Remember, they aren't little forever. Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

W - Wetting the bed

Probably on purpose, this means they get to stay up longer, whilst you change the bed sheets. Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

X - X-rated

It can be easy to lose your sense of humour when your sleep deprived, but 'Go the F**K to sleep' by Adam Mansbach... Is brilliant - a hilarious parody of parental story time ritual, this should put a smile on your face. Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

Y - Yawn

Yawn "but i'm not tired" another Yawn. Give up & pour yourself a glass of wine, Rock in the corner if you need, They'll go to sleep. They will.

Z - ZZZZzzzzzz

Get some ZZZZzzzzzzzzz however you can. if that means on the floor, on the sofa, in your childs toddler bed. DO IT. If you give up & pour yourself a glass of wine each time you'll be a raving alcoholic who's passed out on the floor.... getting some sleep. ACTUALLY thats sounds like a pretty damn good way to do it...

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