They are off Dobbs bar night two...

I'm going totally stir crazy; it's 11:30pm Hugo's been non stop screaming since before 10pm. I've given up after him screaming "bar off hurt feet boots off hurt leg" again & again & again. 
There's only so much a parent can take.. 
He's now curled up peacefully next to me whilst I sit here with the most gigantic mummy guilt. I feel like the worst mummy in the world. This is his treatment to fix his feet! Why can't it just be as text book as my doctors say it is. 

It's late & I'm over over tired of course my emotions are running high & I hate to see my boy like this, pleading me to take these things off his feet. They can't be comfy? I feel like having some adult ones made so I can replicate the feeling? Perhaps then I'd understand a little more. 
I just wish I could hug it all away, it's a total 'why us' moment. I know I'm being selfish whenever I think that I think of all the children & family's much much worse off ... 
I just wish this was easier... I hear of other talipes babies loving their boots and bar. I hear of other talipes babies loving their Dobbs bar. Then there's Hugo. 
I don't even think I can describe to you the state Hugo gets in at night times... I did think of recording it but then you'd probably sob your heart out with him. 

Tonight started with Hugo asking to go back to the hospital to fix his 'broked feet'. His words. My two year old saying things like that! --- heart breaking moment. I tried to explain big boys wear their boots and bar & it will be so worth it in the end. He was having none of it. 
I gave him a big cuddle & told him I can't take his boots off; if you have ever seen a two year old tantrum then imagine that two year old wearing boots and bar? 

Quite scary especially when he won't let me cuddle him. I finally gave in to his pleads but told him he will have to wear them all day tomorrow, this isn't a game I'm terrified of him relapsing the amount of work involved would be even more heartbreaking even more so to think what was the past two years about? 

I just keep thinking things will get better soon, they have to. Don't they? 

2 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry it's so hard for you all right now. You are so strong, and I just wish I could say or do something that could help you. I don't know if it would be any help or something you've already done as part of Hugo's treatment, but would speaking to a child psychologist help? I know for some serious medical conditions parents and children have access to this help. Perhaps they could help come up with some helpful ideas to help Hugo cope or understand? I really don't know if it would be of any help, but surely it might be worth a try. I truly hope things improve for you all soon. X

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  2. I agree with Marilynn there may just be some other professional like this that could help Hugo I'm not certain obviously but I wish I could help :( I think it will get better but perhaps he won't accept it and understand until he's a little older which sounds rubbish and so far away .
    You're not a bad mummy I know you know this really. If making up the time in the day is what you have to do then that's all you can do for now isn't it? Sending you big hugs xxx

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