I don't really know what to say.
I lost my best friend today.
She was 12. I know in dog years she was old 84years I think.
But 12 years just isn't long enough for a dog....
Today was a surreal moment. Having her put down I felt numb.
Almost as if a part of me was missing.
Beth was loved by all, the complete gentle giant.
Being a German shepherd cross Leonberger she was big.
My two children have spent their little lives with her.
I spent all my teenage years with her... She was my puppy. My dog to look after, to train, to walk....
The first few months of her life she was taken poorly & spent a few days in the vets. Even back then the pain of seeing her that poorly was heartbreaking.
Today taking her into the vets I was thrown back to that day we took her in & she didn't come back out with us. My mum & I sat crying in the car before heading home without her....
Today felt the same.
Today my heart has broken.
She suffered a seizure in the night & then another this morning, we knew then it was time to say goodbye. We've been gearing ourselves up for this day for months... Last year she was diagnosed with cancer & she was living on painkillers for her back legs.
So how come I didn't feel ready to say goodbye ?
There are a few plusses to this all happening today though, luckily everyone was home. As its Easter Monday, both my sisters are home & both my parents are home we were all here to say goodbye.
We welcomed her in to our house as a family 12 years ago & thankfully we all said our goodbyes as a family 12 years later.
I think it helped having Emilyn & Hugo over this morning it perked us up. Children are brilliant! After explaining to them we need to say goodbye to her Emilyn replied "why where is she going? is she off on holiday?"
When I replied no she will be going to the vets & not coming home.
Her response "Oh ok so she's going away forever but Beth thinks she will be back tomorrow"
We all got to give her a kiss & a cuddle.
I am so glad I got to get to the vets to say a real goodbye to her.
I kissed her goodnight & that was it.
|Emilyn & Beth a few years ago|
Sleep tight Beth.
|Beth, Molly & Coco|