Today is the day

My not so baby Girl started Preschool. As my previous Blog noted that she was meant to start last week but a bad Ear infection stopped her from going.
we have had two settling in days before hand of which i stayed with her so she played happily, the first time i sent her i stupidly sent her in Ralph Lauren UGGs & Ted Baker chinos... i quickly wished i hadn't once i saw her heading over to the paint & arts & crafts.. a stupid *blonde mummy moment from me.
the next time i was much more prepared & she wore her Hello Kitty Jumper & Gap Jeans with Doodles... a much better choice from my part.
But Today she has a Uniform nothing too over the top but helps me save alot of her clothes from stains.

So I didn't sleep much Hugo had me up most the night he must be having a growth spurt with the amount hes feeding. when we woke up this morning all Emilyn was talking about was School & how much she "loves School" it was beyond adorable. i got her uniform out & she was perfect no normal tantrum rebelling to get dressed she aloud me to do her hair & clean her teeth.
Today is a new exciting start for her. i prayed that she would go in without crying but deep down i knew she would.
The thing is we have never really been apart we are like two peas in a pod. - the last time i remember being away from her was this time last year she stayed with my parents as my morning sickness was so bad & Mic had to work away but she loves going to her grandparents so that didn't worry me. I then left her once Hugo was born each week whilst we went to Hospital to get his Casts changed ect ect. but again she was with Grandparents so she was happy.
well I'm now sat in my Orangery rain bashing down on the windows with no Emilyn I dropped her off at 9am almost an hour ago!...
i was right she did cry, I did cry i pretty much ran out of the school she was being help by a playworker crying for me. Oh gosh it was one of the worst feeling ever all i wanted to do was pick her up & run out back home with her. why is being a mummy so emotionally difficult at times?
the feeling of guilt leaving your baby girl to cry & scream "mummy " i kept telling myself to "man up" & i made sure Emilyn didn't realise i was crying as I'm sure that would of made things much worse.
Hugo is fast asleep next to me I'm just finished a caramel latte whilst listening to Radio 1. once I've finished this Blog what am i going to do with myself ? If I'm honest i feel a little lost. I'm sure i will enjoy this time in a few weeks once I'm used to it just all feels a little odd.
The Preschool have literally just rung.. i waited a few seconds to answer the phone with "what if shes still crying? what if they want me to come & get her?" thoughts flying through my head. i was so relived to hear "Emilyn is fine she is sitting in the baby corner playing with dolly's. she had a little cry through the register but i explained you had to leave to go to the shops to get her lunch"... just wonderful i knew she would be fine its just the immediate few moments of leaving her.
So I'm much happier.
Well the 3 hours dragged but after i finished the first bit of the blog i made myself a Coffee, Lunch & put a film on to amuse me. i left the house extra early the sky had cleared the rain had stopped so i put on my nice coat *with no hood.. got Hugo & I in the car then set off to Emilyns preschool. once there i unpacked the buggy & walked up the path waiting outside out of no where horrendously huge Hailstones a few of us mummys ran into the children's cloakroom, i could then hear all the children packing up i was getting so excited to see my Emilyn in a few minutes.
The doors opened, i walked in I had to have a good look around but as soon as i spotted Emilyn she had spotted me "Mummmmy" she shouted in delight. she looked so happy running up to give me a cuddle whilst singing a train song.
she took my hand taking me into a room where they had sung the "train" song made me smile so much she was buzzing seeing her like this has reassured me that she may cry in the morning she may look very distressed But she enjoys herself.
the Playworkers explained that they had giving her her special blanky to cuddle until she had calmed down & once she had settled she was off playing,
My girl has a soft spot for boys... any boy she loves her boys! the playworker said she had made friends with a little boy of course she has so typical of her.
at snack time she had sat eating for a while the play workers said they could see her soaking up the atmosphere around her taking every detail in. 
all the way home in the car she was none stop talking about school & singing & dancing & all her friend's saying lots of different names. she is also saying she cant wait to go back to school & can she go tomorrow bless her.
she is currently fast asleep after a very busy & emotional morning
I for one am so proud of my Girl.

Just because you can not see it...

Just because you cant see it doesn't mean its not there...
I'm going to talk about me for once yes me & M.E oh how confusing my blog is meant to be about my life this is what my life used to be all about from 13 years old all the way to very recently...
At 13 years old i was diagnosed with Glandular Fever - i would say at 13 this is going into your Prime Time at school your wanting a social life & the years leading up to your GCSE i also decided this was the time to change schools as we had previously moved areas & travelling 40minutes twice a day was a killer. instead of just 'getting over' glandular fever it seemed to stay or in fact turn into Chronic Fatigue syndrome- the "unknown" or the "mysterious illness" some Doctor's i saw even fobbed me off with "its all in your head" or "your just tired" i Suffered with Chronic Fatigue also known as (M.E) which you can imagine the stick you get with an illness diagnosed as M.E- whats that about I can know sit here & think back at the hurtful comments & smile or even have a slight giggle because now i know these people where not real friends nor people who understood the illness at all.. in fact i would'nt wish M.E on to anyone its such a difficult thing to get your head around - barely able to explain it I would wake up in the morning for school & physically not be able to move my energy would be nothing. as a 14 -15 -16 year old at a new school i had no "real" friends most must of thought i was a attention seeker i hadn't been at the school long but i was talked about so much i was the "skiver"... they had no idea what i was going through but hey who would blame them they didn't have a clue. so i dropped out of school at 15 years old i never set foot into year 11. i tried half days in year 10 but even that was hard all i wanted was my bed. i couldn't sleep at night time not because i wanted to stay up watching Poker or sales TV but because this is when i woke up.. why didn't i just sleep i hear you ask well because i couldn't my body didn't want to relax i was exhausted but my body said no. just going shopping on a weekend i would have to think i had to ask M.E if i was allowed. most of the time i would get half way around the shops & have to sit down i found out i could sleep in the most bizarre places. on the stairs... couldn't be comfy the amount of times my mum would have to carry me to bed. you get stuck into a depressing whole that you feel you cant get out theres no daylight at the end of the tunnel. i could never see myself "well" a constant headache turning into a migraine i could barely lift my head. we had got a huge trampoline for the garden i could never use it i felt so unnormal why was this happening to me. i was being home schooled on line like seriously what a load of rubbish i only ended up doing my 3 main GCSE all at home, People say the teenage years are the best of your life. mine where a misery. i had my close friends but i didn't see them much. if i wanted a evening out i knew i would then have a week or so in bed after. at 16/17 years old i took 6 months out & stayed in Spain Costa Del Sol & i 100% say this is how i "got over M.E" i was always told by Doctors as I'm young i should be fine by 21 years old... i distance a lifetime away at 15. i was always told the sun would help but c 'mon lets face it we live in England. so in Spain i must of had about 1 bad day a week. after i came back to England i felt fantastic life was on a up i managed a full time job & although i did have the odd bad day i coped. until i got a job at Gatwick airport - this through me 20 steps backwards & only lasted a month working there i was then back in bed stuck. I then at 18found out i was pregnant with Emilyn & my whole pregnancy was horrendous i was exhausted & not the Normal pregnancy tired it was defiantly M.E exhausted i didn't cope at all. But after doing research i found out that having a baby whilst you have M.E can go either way so bad that you cant care for your baby very well or pretty much cures it... well i was happy to say after i had her i think i then just had the "new mummy" tiredness & nothing else of course i still had "bad days" i over done it i ran myself down but i loved that i could do this & i could do that i hate resting & i know how bad this is. I just cant bare to go "back" there. to that place. the thought of it brings horror to my eyes & i feel so fortunate that i was lucky enough to get it young & get "over" it.
People don't understand it because they cant see it...
But you cant see Cancer does this mean its Not there...
Think before you speak...
Just because we are not moaning doesn't mean we aren't suffering...
try to believe life gets better i so hope in your case it does.

This Advert got me thinking...

About Breastfeeding... As It shows a baby Breastfeeding yes an actual breast in a baby's mouth. The shock of it. How bloody dare they subject young children to seeing such a thing?. On top of having a breast out on an advert the baby is holding an Oreo Cookie! The Horror of it the baby will get covered in chocolate from the cookie!.. *tutt-tutt*
So If Oreo is milk’s favourite cookie, does that include breast milk?
This has been made in South Korea their marketing and communications agency Cheil Worldwide has reportedly released an ad for Oreo cookies entitled “Basic Instinct,” depicting a baby at his mother’s breast with the tag line, ‘Milk’s favourite cookie.’I think its Fab to be honest I don't feel disgusted by it. the baby looks as if he or she is just about old enough to eat the Cookie so what is the Big deal... This advert has caused Uproar worldwide.
I need to understand why us as Humans find breastfeeding so icky...People are happy enough to have Page 3 in The Sun & the actually seeing a full breast... as a Breastfeeding Mother myself i know that when my baby is hungry i feed him. wherever i am, In a restaurant, In a coffee shop, on the beach, at a zoo, on a bench, I will feed him wherever i happen to be at the time he needs it. I then don't get my breast out for the whole world to see & i feel i feed him quite discreetly.
But still as soon as a stranger notices you are in fact feeding your hungry baby you then get daggers sent over at you as if to say how dare you feed your baby here..
A while ago we then had the dispute with Facebook Mark Zuckerberg removing breastfeeding images from peoples personal pages. As if to call it Porn!  I think It’s about time we get over any remaining breastfeeding squeamishness.
Its probably one of the most natural things in the world. I used to be so scared of what the public would think of me breastfeeding whilst i fed my daughter that i would take the time to express & bottle it up i done this for 5 months whilst i breastfed her i was terrified all the horror story's you here of women being chucked out of coffee shops or being told to stop feeding as its upsetting the other customers. i mean c'mon we are in the 21st century there are bigger things to worry about in the world.
since having my daughter in 2009 my confidence has grown & i now proudly feed Hugo (3months old) anywhere & god forbid if anyone came up to me to tell me to stop i would tell them straight- that i am feeding my baby & no one has the right to tell me otherwise. or i might just burst into tears & tell them how horrible they are. depending on mood.!
i loved the story about the lady who organise the Breastfeeding flash mob in Brighton as she had a uncomfortable confrontation with a lady in a shop telling her to cover up & use a towel whilst feeding her daughter. I would of loved to of joined in but i was still Pregnant with Hugo then.
I think the most controversial thing is photos of baby's breastfeeding? I have a few but those i have taken myself i suppose people think it would be abit odd to take a photo of me breastfeeding? I wouldn't mind but again people seem to find the whole thing unnerving.
The Joy & happiness i get from Feeding Hugo is actually quite overwhelming at times. I honestly can't see myself giving up any time soon, It defiantly hasn't been easy & I'm really hoping we get his tongue tie sorted soon as its such a killer to feed him but i cant get away from his happy face so contented by me by its also made it harder with his boots & bars getting him in the right position especially in public with his boots & bars getting in the way or nowhere to put them so hes comfortable so we have faced many challenges the worst bit for me was a trapped nerve in my neck which made it impossible for me to look down or to my left, that lasted over 2 months & still comes back now & again.its truly horrible.
We've tackled many breastfeeding obstacles & still facing the tongue tie its all so worth it i love feeding him myself i count myself truly blessed & very Lucky.

So whats it going to take for people to just "get over" the whole *yuckyness* of breastfeeding??

This was meant to be the week...

Wednesday 18th April - The week that my little Emilyn had planned to start preschool. We had everything ready, Snacks brought, Uniform brought, new doodles brought, Emilyn was super excited & I was super nervous we had been building ourselves up to today for weeks, months even. But over the past few weeks Emilyn had been poorly, instead of it getting better she was just getting worse, when I went to get Hugo's immunisations done I had booked Emilyn to see the Doctor for today but once the Receptionist saw how poorly Emilyn looked they managed to squeeze us in for an emergency appointment, I'm so glad they did as her Temperature was over 39 & her throat was red raw mixed in with a bad Ear infection no wonder my little girl hadn't known what to do with herself for the past few weeks. So she defiantly couldn't go to preschool this week this meant I had to explain to her that she will try to go to "school" next week she took it pretty well all she wants to do is sit in "mummy's bed" & have cuddles. Which I am making the most of as I've had no sleep for over 2 weeks I can cope with the normal 3-4 wake ups from Hugo to feed him but that on top of Emilyn being sick mixed with Emilyn talking/crying/moaning all night finally putting her into bed with us for her to be sick, to then be freezing with goosepimples but feeling boiling with a temperature then once she's finally asleep she then wriggles all over the bed upside down feet in my face... I had to take her back to her bed. This time it's already 5 or 6 am & Hugo starts stirring wanting his breakfast once he's awake he stats awake so that's about it. Im exhausted all through the day non stop thinking about bedtime to then dread it & count the hours down till morning!... Thank god for Twitter that's all I can say!
Thursday 19th April- We are now on day 3 of the antibiotics & she's really not changed she's no better it's so tough I feel so helpless think if she's still no better tomorrow we will have to go back to the doctors. I just hope next week I will be blogging about "Emilyns first day at preschool"
Here's to hoping ...

Mums 101

Mums 101 I was tagged by the lovely Ella at Honeysmummy in a Meme about a mummy's top 3 annoyances you'd like to see in 'Room 101'. Such a good idea, and great for a little vent!...

1.The Breastfeeding VS Bottle Debate... OK wow i can't believe how heated these get... this is your own personal choice no one can tell you to do anything you don't want to do.. I have chosen to Breastfeed both of mine while they where babies when i started feeding Emilyn i felt very pressured into it & for that reason i didn't enjoy it & counted down the days till i could stop. this Time i have chosen myself to breast feed Hugo & i am loving it i cant see myself stopping anytime soon. why people have such strong views on either choice is beyond me... & bugs the hell out of me.

2. The never-ending, super condescending "So you are not going back to work then?" or "when will you go back to work?" "You cant stay at home forever" or "Have you been looking for a job?" as "being at home with the children isn't work..." WOW how rude do some of you want to Be... No I'm not going back to work, yes I know how lucky I am that we can afford to stay home, & be in the position we are. Also my Son is only 3Months old so I am not going back to work anytime soon. Perhaps when they are both at full time school i will look into getting a job again but at the moment this is a  full time job & a hard one at that...its actually not any of your business...that infact I would like to be the one bringing up my own babies thank you very much! I get this question a lot from strangers, friends, family, other mummies, pretty much everyone. I just find it so strange that people are shocked I choose to stay at home to look after my family. I don't question others for going back to work so don't judge me!

3. Competitive parents! ... Yawn... You know the ones.... Their baby started walking, Talking, smiling, laughing all before yours, Only took a week to potty train at a year old... eats all their vegetables & never leaves a scrap on their plate...their baby goes to bed with no problem no tantrums no crying nothing & then their baby sleeps 16 uninterrupted hours a night at 12 weeks old, they can also Clap Roll & hold things all before the expected age, the "oh can't your baby do this or can't your baby do that?"  Chill out ladies! Mine are perfect too, just because they are mine. (Ella - Honeys Mummy I completely agree with your last two ...  i have changed them though ) :)

To carry on the meme I tag - Shay Shay and Family Laura the life and times of the working mum Lisa diary of a thirty mummy & last but not least Jenny confessions of a mumpreneur Ladies if you have the time or inclination (don't worry if not!), just post your top 3 motherhood related gripes in your own 'mums 101' post, and link back to Never Bored of Bubbles so people can come and read the other posts.

Feeling Tongue Tied...

When Hugo was born late Saturday night he didn't feed much just slept all night & all the next day I probably managed a 5minute feed if that. I got asked if I was feeding ok & as I hadn't had much of a problem I said yes fine although they didn't check, once we got home it was a bit of a faff trying to get him to latch on but just put it down to Hugo just being sleepy & not knowing what he's meant to be doing. Over the next few days I became extremely sore Mic got me Lanish Nipple cream to help me I again just thought this was normal. I thought I remembered being in that much pain whilst nursing Emilyn in the early days. One morning I was sitting in my lounge looking at my beautiful new born baby & took a glimpse at his tongue... It was very short whenever he managed to stick his tongue out the tip went inwards almost like a snakes tongue - the best I could explain it as. I called Mic over to have a look I wondered if all baby have tiny tongues like this... But couldn't remember Emilyns being like it do I said I think He's Tongue tied!
Everyone around me tried to reassure me, told me it was fine & he would grow out of it even a Doctor !
Once Hugo was around 5 weeks old I mentioned to my Mum that it was still very painful to feed him almost as if he was chewing on me the pain was excruciating bringing tears to my eyes with Every feed.
I went to see another Doctor the following day at Hugos 6week check, she agreed he was indeed tongue tied but I needed to see my Health Visitor to be referred. I was pleased someone else agreed with me & I wasn't some hysterical Mother over reacting on things... I just wanted him to have it snipped as soon as possible but now I needed to make an appointment to see the Health Visitor.
By the time we got to see my HV Hugo was 6weeks old. She also agreed he was tongue tied & needed it snipped but asked why this wasn't done once he was born in hospital. He slept so much he didn't let them look in his mouth so no one knew. She then also explained that my Doctor needed to refer Hugo to our local Hospital! This was becoming a joke. Talk about being pushed pillar to pillar!
Once I had a appointment with my Doctor & Hugo had been referred it was then just a waiting game.
A game that I waited & waited until a letter came through the post explaining the plastic surgery department was fully booked & they will get back to us! I was fuming to say the least, all I wanted was to feed my boy without him getting cross & me being in pain.
Hugo is now 13weeks & 4days old we received the phone call today for his appointment to see a consultant about his tongue by this time he will be 4months old... It's been made for May 9th the exact same day Hugo gets to go down to 14hours in his BnB. I have no idea if he will get it snipped then or if it is just to take a look & have a talk about it either way we are moving in the right direction.
As if my poor little man hasn't got enough to contend with.

A Happy Easter

Easter Sunday my day started at 1am with Emilyn being sick a roaring temperature & asking to get into our bed, I calmed her down & she went back to sleep. The night then followed Hugo up feeding Emilyn awake crying like this till 6ish when Emilyn got into bed with us & Hugo was feeding again so I stayed awake with both children fast asleep on me till 8.
This was day 4 of Emilyn being poorly & pretty much no sleep for me, I question myself to how I manage on days like these. No sleep a baby & a grumpy poorly toddler, I've come to the conclusion all mummies are wonder-women & we just get by with the littlest amount of sleep, food, water & rest. I'm pretty much zombiefied most of the time & this is why I put the milk in the dishwasher & dirty nappies in the microwave. This is a daily occurrence with different things. Anyhow let's get back to Easter Sunday!... The Easter Bunny has been Emilyn, last year we had a lovely egg hunt in the garden. This year the clouds had come over & the rain was beating down on the conservatory the Easter bunny/mummy didn't want to get wet!... So an Excited but poorly Emilyn went round the house collecting little chocolate eggs in her basket. Each egg she found it was as if it was the first she was so amazed that a bunny rabbit had been around the house dropping her eggs for Emilyn to find. After she had found the last one she asked to have one & so I let her we had a busy day ahead of us & it's Easter so a little chocolate before lunch will do no harm.
We set off for her cousins first birthday lunch Emilyn & Hugo slept the whole hour Journey. She was so excited to see her cousins but felt so poorly she just sat in her highchair colouring in the children's menu. In her own little world. We had a lovely meal & was so nice to see the Family. We headed back home for 4ish where we then just chilled out & watched "Hugo" the film in 3D. It's a lovely film & so glad I finally watched it after all this is why I named Hugo "Hugo" I recommend it.
We then had a family Roast with my Parents & sisters Emilyn didn't want anything & put herself to bed.
I feel so helpless when the children are poorly. She doesn't know what to do with herself she's having two naps a day but then up half the night coughing, sneezing, high temperature or being sick.
She's still poorly today it's so tiring up all night with her & Hugo has decided he wants to be fed every 2hours so as you can see I'm exhausted. Emilyn just cries when she wants something it's like having twins at times.
On top of this Hugo kicked Emilyn with his BnB the other day & now she's taken a distinct dislike to them. She won't go near them. It makes me feel sad just another thing that wouldn't be a problem if he didn't have Talipes but hey ho another obstacle we will tackle.
The Children & I are off to Norfolk tomorrow to see my grandparents , Aunty & cousins I'm looking forwards to going away. But the stress of packing up the car & going especially with Emilyn not being well.
Hope you all had a Lovely Easter.

Please do not feel sorry for me or my Son!

I've just got home after a wonderful day out with some lovely girls & their Children. We spent the day in a Wacky Warehouse, Hugo slept a lot of the time, when he was awake he was being passed around the broody mummies being cooed over. I was being dragged around Wacky Warehouse by Emilyn "come on mummy this way mummy that slide mummy, this ball pit" Hugo was in very safe hands with my friends but I kept an eye on him.
Escaped from the ball pit when I could to have a drink & a sit down but as I wasn't holding Hugo I didn't realise how many people where staring at him this wasn't to do with him being a cute baby either.
As we where leaving a lady stopped me, she asked what this was & pointed down towards his buggy. I just automatically presume she was talking about his limited edition buggy as it gets a lot of attention so I started explaining it. When she said no no not the buggy those & pointed right at Hugo's boots, well I was quite taken back I had completely forgotten about his boots oddly this is also the first time I had been asked so openly by a stranger.
She did apologise for asking but understandably didn't want to just stare at which I responded I would much prefer more people to ask if they where so intrigued by them I also thanked her for asking I explained & she sounded interested as she has a friends daughter who had Talipes but had to have operations to correct them. I then said good bye to her she was a lovely lady. Im glad she asked i wish more people did. But suddenly it felt like the whole room was starring at me as we walked out. My friend said lots of ladies where obviously starring whilst she was holding Hugo earlier & whispering about him to be honest not sure what they would of been saying but there we go.
We went through to get lunch in the restaurant I went up to order I had Hugo with me & the waitress came up started asking lots of questions as I said earlier I'm fine to answer the questions but this lady just kept saying "oh love I feel so sorry for you & him poor little man"
Er excuse me he's fine I'm fine we really don't need your pitty. He's a happy baby. Ok he was born with Bilateral Talipes ok he wears Boots with a Bar between them he knows no different.
Then another waitress came over "oh poor baby whats wrong with his feet?" I explain ... & again "I feel so sorry for you your doing a great job"...
By now I was either going to cry or laugh because I've never been made to feel so small by someone I've never met before.
Whilst I took Emilyn to the toilet I left Hugo with my friends & one of the waitresses came over had a little chat & once again "oh I feel so sorry for him" my friend actually pipped up & said why he was born like this he's always been in casts or his boots he's fine no need to feel sorry for him.
Is this what people think when they see him do they feel sorry for us? This is my life the last thing I want is people to pitty us.
Apart from this little blip we have had a lovely day with fab ladies & children just a shame some people feel the need to involve themselves into my life when I feel personally it's non of their business.

Think of life as one long holiday

Life is Just a Long Two Week Holiday

I think this is a brilliant way to think of life.
Yesterday I went out with my Dad driving through the countryside in his Convertible talking about My younger sister who is in China at the moment shes there for 10days. I mentioned how once she gets to the 7 days she perhaps will be ready to come home.
we then got on to the conversation of "I like to think of life as a 2 week holiday I bet no one else thinks like this".
I found this idea so lovely also quite amusing.
That Hugo hasn't even got on the plan yet hes in the Departures lounge buying designer sunglasses. So unaware of what will be on his Holiday.
Emilyn has Just Boarded her plane ordering a drink & food for the long flight looking forwards to her 2 weeks to come of her holiday all giddy & excited.
Now Mic & I am on the first week of our holiday on about Wednesday we are enjoying ourselves & always looking forwards to the next day.
My Dad said he was near the end of his Holiday & can now see the end of it hes had a great time always had a laugh & isn't scared of getting on the plane when is time comes.
Hes not even old so i argued at this & said i think he should be Wednesday of the second week.
He also said his Dad my Grandad was waiting at the airport for his taxi after his holiday as he has passed away.

The More we spoke about this the funnier it all became & what a lovely way to express life.
I found the whole thing quite comforting.
Can you imagine all these tiny new born babies waiting in the departure lounge, all these toddlers getting on the plane.
All the Teenagers getting off the plane & so on.


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