Day 4 What am I afraid of?




What are you afraid of?

I like to think I'm not scared or afraid of anything.
But in my deepest darkest thoughts I am terrified of the following...
Whilst being pregnant with both of my two something being wrong with them or going wrong with my pregnancy. At my 20week scan with Hugo this Horror came true & I found out he had problems my world collapsed. This has 100% put me off having any more babies I couldn't bare going through any of it again the thought of not bringing your baby home is indescribable.

I was sat in the car thinking about this the other day how absolutely terrified I am of death- I can't get my head around it I believe in God & I'm a Christian so I know there's a better place or I'd like to think so. But actual dyeing I can't bare to even think of it. I'd like to pass when I'm elderly & ready to go whilst in my sleep in my own bed this is the only way I can accept death I will keep this idea in my head until the time happens.

8 comments:

  1. I can completely understand your pregnancy fear. Id be the same if id been through what you have. The day after my birthday last year, when i was pregnant i woke up with alot of blood everywhere i have never felt fear like that before, thought i had lost him. Was so scared to go to the hosp but everything was ok, aparrently it was normal!! thanks for warning me lol. I know its nowhere neare what you went through, but i have so much admiration for you :) xx

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  2. oh my gosh that must of been terrifying.
    thank you honey xx

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  3. I completely get your pregnancy thing. My brother died when he was 3 months old, and I spent my entire pregnancy and the first YEAR of my son's life terrified of something awful happening. I still get super paranoid and check on him ALL the time. :(

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  4. When I think about dying, I am a Christian, too, I think about where we were as babies. I maean, where were we BEFORE our lives on Earth began. I think we were in Heaven, but when we came to Earth, the memory of that was wiped away so we could bear to live in a fallen creation away from God. When we die, we go back to Him if we are "born-again". Maybe flawed logic, but it makes sense to me.

    On the other fear, my sister died of cancer when she was 15. When I had my daughter, I was always cautious, but when her 15th birthday rolled around, I was more nervous that whole year. She is 16 now, adn of course all mother's wory, but my fear is less so now.

    Good to read all of these! Take care!

    ~joy!
    Vicky

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  5. Those fears are completely normal. I also worry about something going wrong during pregnancy because we still want to wait a few years before we have kids.

    As far as a fear of death goes, the way I deal with it is I focus on making every day special. It's the only thing we can do.

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  6. Those are absolutely normal fears, and I had them as well with my first. With my second, for some reason, I was very laid back and care-free for the most part.

    And I believe that, since death is inevitable anyway, your description is the perfect way to go. ♥

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  7. I had a lot of fears during pregnancy also and since I had complications with both kids I am glad we stopped at two -- I don't think I could have handled the stress of a third! And now I worry a lot about losing my kids (I can't imagine my life without them) or about they're losing me. I didn't write about that on my blog post though since I tend to live in denial about such things as much as possible :-)

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  8. Thanks everyone. My fears are shoved right to the back of my head & rarely show there ugly head :) xxx

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