slacking on the blogging the last few weeks catch up.

OK so where did i get to?
*frantically searches for diary*...

last night in his old boots 19th September 2012
Thursday 20th September 2012
on our way to Hospital

Hugo had his quarterly Hospital appointment to check his feet & change his boots.
the few days building up to it, i seem to turn in to a nervous wreck. all these questions go whizzing around my head.. "what if this what if that.."
as he never had the tentonatomy it always plays on my mind.
waiting at the hospital
well I arrived at the hospital early i go with Emilyn & Hugo, its always a bit crazy, having to tackle Emilyn to be kept amused in the waiting room, Hugo decided i was not aloud to sit down & i had to walk around with him till the Physio saw us, ofcourse they where running late. but i am defiantly not one to moan about the NHS we decided to have Hugo, & its amazing that the NHS pay for our treatment,
we where eventually seen, Hugo's progress is right on track. they where very impressed he can stand weight baring in his legs for just over a minute. I explained he keeps escaping his boots but they still havent changed the whole style of boot, they explained he would need to be escaping almost everyday to get the other boots!... Annoying!... oh gosh i use twitter too much i almost *Hast tagged *Annoying! Cringe!
well he got sized up for new boots & off we went back home.
i put his boots on at 5pm to check they where all fitted correctly he then had a pretty bad nights sleep & roll on a week & he now has his back heels on both feet covered in blisters... poor thing.
Time to get the compeed plasters out.
showing off his new boots

Friday 21st September 2012

pretty boring day i had Dentist shh a needed to have a filling done. i don't like talking about teeth too much. i used to have a phobia of the noise of teeth brushing but since having babies i had to man up about it, I get so freaked out about the dentist it is unreal. It the drilling & cleaning of teeth. if i could have all my teeth false i think i would!
so i spent the rest of the day with half my mouth numb!...
I then had the Doctors booked for that afternoon to talk about Contraception whoo no more babies for me ever...! i would have everything removed if i could or have my Husband sterilised !
thinking about the coil... terrifying though!

SATURDAY 22nd September 2012

My First Event for my EMILYN's CANDY CART! it couldn't of been a better day.. sun shining. happy people, it was for a baby shower was beautiful!

fits in the back of my car perfectly

Monday 24th September 2012

Emilyns 3rd Birthday!
some one please tell me where the last 3 years have gone.. it literally only feels like yesterday i was holding her in the hospital !
she had a fabulous day very spoilt. we have her Party coming up soon.

Yes my child is different

Does he look unhappy here? Boots and bar is all he knows...
Talipes? Boots and Bar.
My son is 8 months old. He wears his boots and bar nights & naps only, he has them put on at 6pm off by about 11am (he keeps them on until he has had his first nap)
so with the hours he wears them not many people see him in them. The school run is about it,
I have come face to face with the ugly side of people the rude comments the staring the pointing ect i have done blogs about this before.
Well yesterday i decided to take Hugo out all day in his BnB (Boots and bar)
we had the morning at Toddlers & then went on to Tesco's.
It is such a bizarre feeling i seem to build myself up to fall? I don't want any negative comments but i seem to expect them.
Perhaps this is so if i get any thing negative thrown at me i deal with it better?
But the outcome of yesterday's experiment was great. I had the toddlers very intrigued touching his boots touching his bar asking questions. I got chatting to one of the mums that knew Hugo wore them but wanted to know more information how long he has to wear them for & why?
I had lots of smiles from mums that i haven't met before, Now that could of just been nice 'hello smiles' rather than 'sympathetic i feel sorry for you smile'
saw our Health visiter had Hugo weighed the health visiter knows about Hugo's Talipes but even she was interested in our routine with them.
*Hugo weighed in at 19lbs3 hes on the 50th centile.
& a very good eater - i love baby led weaning the best thing i ever done for Hugo.
Sorry going off track....
yadda yadda yadda - left Toddlers went on to Tesco's with the boots on Emilyn & Hugo shared a trolly & again the reactions were minimal.
I honestly think a lot of it has to do with my happiness - i know recently my emotions have been all over the place. well yesterday i walked around with my head held high, & it helped, all the starring i didn't take to heart any whispering i blocked out.
more than anything people look at it with questions the "why has that baby got boots on with a metal bar"
yesterdays experienced has helped me. i feel so much more relaxed taking Hugo out in public with his boots on when i need to.

The truth behind the smile...

So I have been doing some soul searching... meaning I have been so busy with the new Business (follow us on twitter @EmilynCandyCart) & barely sleeping with both children waking each night. Throw in the mix of our fabulous Talipes meet up in Bluewater 'i will blog about that here too'
I've come to the conclusion that; yes i will have hard days with Hugo & his boots but even if i had had a baby without Talipes i would still be having 'hard days' - just minus the bruises the cot bashing the footless baby grows the never being able to get comfy grumpy wakening ups... i will stop there! our life could be so much worse & in-fact i majorly hate getting down in the dumps over his BnB because its not that bad!
the sleep deprivation would make me feel yuck even if the BnB were not included in our lives, but they are & so when i am having a tired grumpy guts day i blame all my sad emotions on the boots! & i really must stop!
we have started to make boots on time fun by singing happy songs to Hugo whilst struggling to get them on him with all his wriggling around now, Mums you will know how hard it gets trying to change a baby's nappy... try putting boots on them that they would clearly rather chew on... the tantrums are erm horrendous! but i grin & bare it & try to stay happy for Hugo's sake more than anything.
I don't want him to resent his boots. without his BnB he would not be walking - 'i personally don't think a lot of people realise just how important Hugo's boots are' the relapse rate is quite big if i stopped the treatment in a few years time let alone if i stopped it now.
I don't even hate his boots I get frustrated with them, i get frustrated that Hugo gets frustrated at times whilst he is in his BnB.

I feel such a fraud! Talipes. Boots & bar.

This is really annoying. Why am i feeling like this!?
was i really over the fact that i brutally disliked the metal bar that attached itself to my 7 month old boots - boots that i may add a Baby should not wear... Babies wearing shoes?
oh heck it bugs the hell out of me.

yes i am having "one of those days" I am exhausted to say the least life seems to be hurtling in to a mix of busyness, stuff i have no control over. Family functions, parties, life!
The stress of starting up a business & trying my hardest to get it all sorted. with the lack of sleep & the stress of just being a mother.
My back is feeling it, you know that stress tension in the middle of your back. i feel as if i want to hunch my back all the time, its agony!
Well last night i went out for a meal with a girl friend was a lovely evening. Until i got home, Emilyn didn't take it too well that i wasn't home. she kicked up an hour long tantrum. Hugo seems to be getting his 5th tooth through! & was up screaming most the time. he then carried on most the night. I took his Boots & Bar off around 12 ish. i know i shouldn't of done & its of course kicked myself in the foot... as he will need to make the hours up!

I feel such a fraud! i really thought i had accepted the boots & bar... I thought i had come to terms with it. i know feel as if i was lying to myself to help myself cope with it better!
I also feel terrible for moaning at least he is not fully disabled. at least he will walk. at least this should hopefully all be fixed in 5 years time.
But i can't help the way i feel.
I want this feeling to go away!
I am so fed up with bruises covering me... literally my legs are blue & purple! my hips are blue & purple.
Hugo having a tantrum or in Pain i can barely keep hold of him. How heavy he is i can barely hold him, goodness knows how i will cope once he is a year old ++ ...  I find it so hard to talk to people. i think people think i am dealing with it. i'm coping. i am not! or as today i feel like crawling under my duvet & staying there a good few days.
sleep deprivation is chipping away at my mind, body & soul! I am half the person i want to be.
I want to smile & not be crying inside.
I feel as though i have taken 1 step forward & 10 steps back!
I can not pin point why though?
Lack of sleep can make you feel terrible eh?

Heres to tomorrow. A new day. A Happier day... Wiping my tears away...


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