Holidays are best kept in your head

*If you're a parent*

Whilst sitting at home thinking about how much we needed a hot family holiday you know you think ah relaxation.

*set the scene* - Sunbed, binkini on, factor 4 tanning oil, alcoholic beverage in hand, book in the other. Laying in the blistering hot sunshine round a child free swimming pool, just your iPod on low for a bit of background noise...

Then you become a parent & the meaning of 'Holiday abroad' gives you a new unwanted grey hair & fresh wrinkles around your eyes... 

It takes two weeks to  *just* pack the suitcases who'd of thought two toddlers needed this much ?!  & then the dreaded shriek of "I'll help you pack Mamma I'll help..." 

The flight there is obviously early hours of the morning who was stupid enough to book that? Waking them up to pile them into the car squashing suitcases & buggies in the small hatch back too... 

Parking the car at the airport & having to get a shuttle with four big suitcases three hand luggage a buggy & a four year old at 3am. Ha let's just say it added to the memories.  

The whole waiting around the airport.
Gone are the days that I'd leisurely window shop all the beautiful duty free shops victoria secrets, monsoon, Ted baker... Nope now we made a den in the midst of the airport to try  & stop them from escaping of course this lasting all of a few minutes until one of them was jumping seat to seat galloping over strangers just to get to the next seat. 

The aeroplane - I can't really complain here my children *touch wood* are brilliant flyers they both had their own seats & I pack enough sweets to keep them amused we all slept the two hour flight... 

We've arrived & after being awake a full 24hours I'm exhausted we got to our appartment & it started. "I'm bored now" "can we go down to the swimming pool. " ... Off we trape to the pool one of three & a huge water slide.  

The swimming pool 

Setting the scene - it's 3pm the pools quite busy I'm quite tired. 
It's all a bit of a haze in my memory - the sun is hot the children are moaning. 
I was asleep I'd fallen asleep on the Sunbed, I must of been tired. Why are they screaming ? What is there to tantrum about... They want to go back to the apartment. It all gets way too much I jump up & "OK OK LETS GO..." 

Back at the apartment 

Thing two - "MUM MUM TELE GONE? TELE GONE? MUM WHERE TELE GONE?" Uh oh to explain to my unfortunately tv obsessed boy that in fact we have no tele... Could get interesting. Off he runs to his room....  "MUM MUM TELE GONE MY ROOM... MUM TELE GONE MY ROOM... MUM NO TELE????" 
The sky opens & the crying starts. All over a tele ? Or lack of it. 

Quick think c'mon think... I can't bare this crying much more... Ah ha we have one iPad & two tablets with us. I put a film on he calms he watches he quietens down. 

The tantrums that we've seen this holiday have been monumental even for my two... 

There was the one about the ice cream - "Mamma can we have an ice cream please..." I look over at the time five o'clock the suns still beaming bright should we have an Ice cream, yes ok I'll get you an eye scream over 10€ later we've all got a beautiful ice cream Thing one chose a strawberry flavour with real bits of strawberry in... Well of course this must of been a mistake who'd put strawberry into a strawberry ice cream ? Who'd be so silly, so wrong, so yucky... She gave me the ice cream it was wrapped in a serviette "I don't want it. " she stamped her feet ... Oh my god is this happening ? Is this really happening... 
I offered her mine a double chocolate magnum "no it's broken I want a new one. I want a new one mamma!!" Seriously? This child... Urgh she must be tired. The sly looks from some people as she's screaming she's echoing the whole swimming pool area & restaurant too. 
The crying getting worst the screaming getting louder. A whole 20 minutes later the tantrum is still in full force. Instead now she's screaming for her 'strawberry ice cream' of course daddy ate it, it's over 23degrees it was melting. I almost gave up you know that when you just start walking away... The distance between us getting larger & larger. Until she noticed I was going back to the apartment her little steps getting quicker & quicker. "Mamma cuddles mamma cuddles".... 
I'd calmed her down but at the same time explained that she must start appreciating things, she didn't want to hear that & started crying again.  
A cuddle & early to bed helped. 

Then there was the train : ok so we saw Thomas the tank engine train drive past us one morning luckily we were waiting for the bus into Mahon so we could distract them quickly onto the 'exciting red bus look guys it's a bus ' type thing. Each day after that we saw Thomas Thing two in particular was getting quite excitited each time we heard Thomas's horn... Then one evening whilst in a restaurant Thomas the tank engine drove past... All he'll broke lose I'm not sure if he was overly excited or what but Thing two had a meltdown after the initial "ahhh it's Thomas Mamma look it's the train..!" The whole restaurant looking over smiling. Aw they're thinking how sweet he was getting excited then... He just burst into tears - Thomas was driving away Thing Two was screaming I could feel everyone looking over at us. Quick think quick think.... I calmed the situation by paying the bill quickly & chasing Thomas down the road to simply say hello & good night to him. We came to an agreement if they behaved for the following two days I'd let us have a ride on him - when that day finally arrived their excitement was well worth the 26€ for 50 minutes on Thomas & we had a lovely site seeing look around Mahon. 

In all we're having a beautiful holiday, I love my crazy children they make our family holidays have the memories we do. I mean who really wants to be undisturbed all day ?...

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