My 20 week anomaly scan worries

As I'm approaching my 20 week anomaly scan I am finding myself feeling more & more anxious.
If you're a new reader to my blog I'll fill you in a little.
When I was pregnant with E over 6 years ago I had no doubts in my mind when I went for my anomaly scan, why would I have? First baby no issues. For me all I wanted to know was what sex the baby in my tummy was, it never ever occurred to me anything with baby could be wrong.
Just how naive was I?
When I went for my 20 week anomaly with H again all I was excited about was seeing my baby again & finding out if E would have a brother or sister. I posted all over my social media about it.. even counted down the days... I feel sick to my stomach even typing it out, the pain I went through that day I don't ever in my life want to repeat again.
Going into the room all I cared about was finding out the sex of my unborn child.... obviously I wanted a healthy baby but I had the 12 week scan & all was well what could of changed in the past 8 weeks?
A LOT... apparently. I was so stupidly naive. The sonographer asked if we wanted to know the sex. Yes I said nervously awaiting to hear if my precious baby was a girl or a boy. He told us we are having a son. Perfect for my daughter however my heart sank I just couldn't imagine having a son I actually blogged about gender disappointment HERE.
I was so completely wrapped in to what the gender of my baby was It never crossed my mind that there would be anything wrong. Finishing up the scan & the sonographer sat my husband & I down on the chairs in the room & said he had found an abnormality with our beautiful baby boy.
Words I never thought I would hear. My world came crashing down.
Bilateral Talipes (Though the sonographer called them pigeon feet) & two plexus cysts on his brain.
The cysts together with him having talipes could of been markers for other more serious conditions like Downs syndrome or Edwards syndrome.
Suddenly I couldn't of cared less if I was having a daughter or a son. I JUST WANTED A HEALTHY BABY.
To not have the worry or not whether I would be bringing a baby home in 20 weeks.
On our way home we walked through town & went into Next I had so desperately wanted to buy a babygro in pink or blue; I just looked at them with tears rolling down my cheeks.
Why did I care so much about the sex. For goodness sake a healthy baby really is the only thing that really matters.

So here I am almost 19 weeks pregnant with number 3.
The amount of people asking me for my gender preference is crazy. "I don't care honestly a healthy baby is all that matters to me and m husband"
I keep asking myself "would I be upset if baby 3 has Talipes?" Honest answer I really honestly have no idea. I feel cheated that my baby had to be casted at 5 days old & at just weeks old had very heavy metal bar & chunky boots on his feet for 23 hours a day. I feel cheated that my baby couldn't go to bed in snuggly baby grows.
However if my baby was healthy but had talipes I think I would be ok. I suppose I can only answer that question if it happens.
I no longer have that same excitement about seeing the baby again as I did with the first two pregnancies, because well; what if there is an abnormality?
I'm looking forwards to having my 20 week scan being over and done with & fingers crossed all being well I can then relax a bit. I knew before we planned baby 3 that I would find the first 20 weeks hell. No kidding I really am.
At least now I'm not taking anything for granted.

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